christa
So much happened here but the lasting sentiment for me is how complex these narrators and main characters are. Most if not all of these characters make decisions and have grown into their distasteful personalities as a means of survival and, whether they realize it or not, as a response to trauma. But most of them are so SO awful. I loved these stories the most. Awful characters doing awful things but with backgrounds that make this awfulness make sense. I felt this most intensely in “Not Today, Marjorie”. I found her, in the beginning, to be an objectively awful and un-selfaware MC. But the author has expertly weaved in details of childhood and past which complicates this one-note personality. She becomes complex. I don't know whether to hate her shamelessly or to admit to myself that I understand how she ended up this way (how I would most definitely end up this way too if I'd suffered in such a way). There's not a single story here I didnt love. I didn't quite understand “A Conversation About Bread”, but enjoyed the writing nonetheless. I also enjoyed this because of how often the author utilized characters from other stories.
She says impending doom like 12 million times and has a tendency to skim through extremely important eras of her life, sometimes within a few lines. But she knows how to write something candid and gritty and hopeful.
Like I said before, I think the pacing of this is a bit awkward. I'm not sure I would've been able to finish it if I wasn't listening to the audiobook (which is exceptional because it's read by her). At times, I felt like we stayed in the same place for far too long or escaped an important part of her history entirely too fast. But at the same time, I think most memoirs are like this. Besides pacing (or maybe what goes hand-in-hand with pacing), is the sheer number of names you have to remember in this. I just started floating through this with no regard for who was who. Maybe this is just a reader comprehension problem though.
I find it really impressive that this has no ghostwriter. Idk what that says about me and my perception of celebs/actors (yea, I'd definitely consider her a celeb), but Julia knows how to write. Her interiority is very much just told to us instead of always shown, but that is definitely in the nature of memoirs.
In my list of top 5 favorite books I've ever read in my life. At first i thought it was just a bit absurd and the whole point of it was to indulge in the writing style and voice. But it quickly became a different thing: commentary on class, on masculinity (porn addition) and misogyny. Crazy as fuck. If you can get through a lot of the sentences here being a half a page, you'll like it. I personally am a big fan of that. It's gross and talks very bluntly about the female body, including rape. Our two main characters, though they suffer two completely different things, bring the worst out of one another and neither of them are mature enough to understand that. It was just a really cool reading experience.
Most confusing and convoluted conflict I've ever read in a fantasy novel ever. Too many elements, too many characters. It was hard to care about the stakes and death when I just had no fucking clue what was going on. This felt like it was two books put into one. Never in my LIFE has a 600 page book felt this long. What I would do to get the 17 hours back I low-key wasted on this.
I could so say many things but I'll get right to it: I was imagining santángel as an 80 year old man and Luzia as a 18 year old girl the entire time so their chemistry felt so unnatural. I'm sure their physical looks were probably described differently but ever since that motherfucker appeared on the page, he was an old ass hag and she was literally on the cusp of adulthood to me. Now, I must confess that I do, in fact, have a thing for geriatric, basically dead old men. So, IN ALL HONESTY, I was not opposed (well I kinda was, morally). But he felt like a predator to me the entire time until I eventually just had to rework my brain to ignore it. He was just too wise, too lived, to not be a bag of bones in my head. I digress.
Here's my short and sweet take of the whole thing:
- felt like a romantic lapvona (ottessa moshfegh).
- The fantasy element was beautifully done. It wasn't too heavy handed but also played an integral part in the plot.
- Too many names to remember. Specifically Victor vs Antonio Perez.
- writing style eats down. i truly wasn't aware bardugo got down like that. Also didn't know she's written every fantasy novel ever.
- loved valentina's arc
- This would've been so much cooler if he actually WAS old and was a mentor and father figure. That's the energy I was picking up at first anyways.
This book has a tendency to confuse me about the physical components of any trials violet went through. I genuinely could not conceptualize the gauntlet and was very glad to find detailed fan art of it.
The writing itself was giving YA, which is fine! But the sex scenes didn't feel necessary if that's what we're going for. The characters read as 17-18 year olds, not adults.
I thought the enemies to lovers arc was going nice and slow until suddenly they were both very, very hungry for each other and honest about it out of the blue. I just thought that yearning might stretch a little bit farther. At the same time, it raised the stakes for me in certain moments.
genuinely have no other thoughts right now. it was good and engrossing but doesn't really come close to some of my favorite fantasy. This has verified for me that I've fully rode the fantasy wave this summer and it is abruptly coming to an end for me. I literally cannot take the cringe yet sweet enemies to lovers arcs that materialize too quickly because they-actually-like-each-other-from-the-very-first-moment! I need my man to hate me in order to give af.
made me smile sometimes and their banter was nice. but i honestly just didn't relate to danika at all. this is all shade to me but work is not my life and it actually exhausts me to hear about peoples lifestyles like that. like please take a nap before you start to stress me out vicariously. i thought the smut here was decent but sparse. like why was i 50% the way through waiting for it? i might be biased because i think the 1st book has one of my favorite sex scenes of all time. i enjoyed this while i was reading it but also wondering every chapter why it was going on so long? hibbert has a tendency to add a breakup scene at the end. this one felt more necessary than the one in book 1, but still, i hate seeing characters ruin a good thing over nothing. trust me, i have my own share of flaws: i get super angry and mean, sometimes play the quiet game like a baby, truly so sensitive people have to walk on eggshells around me ((yes i've been accused of this) TO MY FACE). but, i always get so detached when someone's achilles heel is the relationship being...too good? breakups can be traumatic and being cheated on can literally change your brain chemistry but i also feel so much empathy for the person who comes next. no amount of reassurance and honesty can heal someone who can't trust you. it sucks for everyone involved. i guess what i'm saying is, if i was the bf in real life, this would be the most nonsensical and frustrating fight ever, which makes me not like it. but this is also just a reader preference. this is more of 3.5 for me! but definitely more on the lower side. it just doesn't compare to book 1. at all.
p.s. i switched between and ebook and audiobook of this one and i might have been swayed by the sheer britishness of it. AND there were so many times the italics was begging the narrator to change her inflection of voice and she just did not. no shade but the audiobook made the experience worse. everytime she cursed, i felt like she was mad at me for making her say them because her voice was so delicate and soft. but that part is probably just in my head.
I hate that I hated this because I love Kuang's other stuff and I was so interested, in theory, with the historical aspect of this. I went into this already on the wrong foot: I forced myself to reread the first 60 pages after DNFing it a few months ago. And it just pains me to reread stuff, so I was trudging through it. But I really expected things to pick up. It certainly did. 400 pages in.
I enjoyed the interpersonal relationships and internal stuff here. Meaning, I loved getting to know the characters, how they spoke and acted, and interacted with one another. Their dialogue, their banter and arguments, their habits and movements, were all very well done. In fact, the only dynamic I was attached to here was Atlan and Rin. It felt like when you're 10 and on vacation and think that you, a small child, are attracting the 23 year old lifeguard by doing handstands in the pool. I mean, that painful secondhand embarrassment of watching a crush that could never come to fruition. Mostly because I wasn't sure their age gap (I can't imagine it was more than 1-3 years), but also because it was painfully obvious to me that Rin thought they were friends (was she so deluded to think so?). His death was surprising to me because she set up the perfect romance arc. But I can see why it wouldn't go there. Once we'd gotten to Altan and Rin alone (going to the prison) their relationship was the only thing really keeping me going.
I honestly just felt really disconnected from the history and god element of this. It's obvious that Kuang was trying to give us all the keys to understanding the war (we get an ACTUAL history lesson) but I just kept getting lost. There are so many characters and they started to blend together. I am really interested in the story of Nanking though. I actually own The Rape of Nanking and didn't even know it.
The war going on in the book though, was kind of foggy in my head. I think I just am not interested in reading about war, especially in a fiction sense? Or maybe I'm just a little slow and need it spelled out for me even slower. I thought the beginning was very slow paced and the spiritual moments where Rin meets with the gods were so abstract that there was nothing tangible to them (for me). In other words, I found it very difficult to visualize. I was ready to hunker down and tackle this entire series but I think I'm good. In place of that, I might just reread Babel....basically my favorite book of all time
Maas done wrote a character that hates herself so much she wants to die and I have never felt more seen. I'll spare you the 600 word spiel I wrote up in my notes app the other day and just tell you that grief looks different on everyone. I mean, think about a time where you were So Extremely Sad. Maybe you have healthier coping mechanisms, but for me, I feel so powerless in my sadness. Everyone around you is angry at your attitude when you're just fighting everything within reach to survive. For Nesta, I think the decision to lock her up in the House of Wind was a decision filled with hatred (rhys), embarrassment (feyre), selfishness (cassian), and a desire for control. Despite whatever your frustrations are with her, she's a grown woman who should be allowed to drink wine and fuck whoever she wants. And I think that was the MOST frustrating part...she was essentially stripped of her bodily autonomy. (why couldn't this woman just get a job and pay off her debts instead?). It's definitely convenient that Nesta thinks of his time as really self destructive (like she's not worthy of having friends because she had casual sex?). If I had to compare it to anything, it felt like the edge of seventeen. That one movie where everyone keeps telling this 17 year old girl that she pities herself too much and no one likes her and then she has to apologize to everyone at the end for some unknown reason. Except maybe the apologies Nesta gives out are kinda valid! ONE LAST MESSAGE ABOUT NESTA: A lot of you have darker fucking spirits and make deeper cuts than her. AND A lot of you want the complex, morally grey characters but can't even stomach a woman who drinks too much wine and says mean things to her sisters. If you never intended to extend empathy towards her, you never should've asked for more POVs. I DIGRESS NOW.
The smut in this book was SICKENNINGGG! My metaphorical dick was twitching. It started slow and got downright nasty at times. Mrs. Maas, I see your growth. I don't think we needed AS MANY as we got though. It made me wonder at times if they even liked each other.
The introduction to these troves and new antagonists is smart and helped keep the story fresh. Wasn't sure how Maas was going to continue the series after the war but she somehow created new turmoil, gave us new history lessons, and extended this world so much farther that I ever could've imagined. While I do think this works, a part of me does get the feeling that all this newness was a desperate attempt to keep things going? I LIKE the newness, but is obvious to me that the newness reworks the series into something completely different than it was before. Especially since none of these tools and creatures were ever mentioned in previous books. I guess I'm just a sucker for foreshadowing and wished we'd been introduced to some of these things earlier. Still, I think it worked out well so I can't say too much about it!
This is my favorite in the series for the SHEERRRR FACT that it made me cry the most. I felt so seen, as someone who's always filled with anger. I get payback in arguments by saying the mean stuff and regret it. I have a hard time apologizing. And it makes me hate myself! (Which like, fair!) Nesta lowkey showed me that there is a way out of that toxic behavior (literally just meditation and good dick?)
I won a copy of this on Early Reviewers on librarythings. Thank you blaque_ace for allowing me to read this in exchange for a free, honest review.
I'm not usually a romance gal but I seriously loved this. The smut was VERY good and not afraid to get straight to the point. Not too short or too long. I've read a few romance/fantasy novels that are scared to get vulgar and real. This was not at all afraid, even in dialogue between friends or in banter. I thought all of the main characters were loveable and the antagonists very hateable! The conflict here is great, and I appreciated that we left off in a very ambiguous place. Most of all though, I appreciated that Nessie's identity, as queer, Nigerian, and fat, was at the forefront of the story. Being fat and queer myself, I really loved that her beauty was validated and loved. And that Cat wasn't disregarded and forgotten about. I honestly wanted them to end up together just out of spite...to get back at her parents (and to beat the allegations that all bisexuals only ever have boyfriends). As for her Nigerian identity, I think the parents are incredibly complex characters and I hope they become more progressive and open as the series goes on. Ultimately, I was glad that this wasn't just the typical fat-MC-hates-her-body and that's the only plot. This seriously takes many turns and gets complex. It's dramatic in the best way, funny for its vulgarness, and just plain sexy at times!
While I think this is super strong, basically 5 stars to me, I did think the “contract” aspect of the story was a bit underdeveloped. In general, some of the plot points/twists felt rushed (aka the pregnancy). But the contract specifically felt like it started and ended pretty quick and was only used as a means for that exchange of money. At the same time, I think it shows happiness's desperation to leave her job. The biggest thing is that this could've used an editor or one last look through, just on a grammatical level. I'm just a bit of a stickler about it and found about 20 grammar errors. Simple stuff like commas and missing words. I still really enjoyed this and think it was really entertaining and gripping. If I'm getting specific, this is probably 4.5 for me!
I appreciate that the conflict here is interpersonal and community based instead of worldly. Yes it's a break, but it's also a totally different type of turmoil. Part of war is rebuilding, acknowledging the aftermath, and fostering better relationships with your friends, family, and community. While this could've used a bit more drama, it's still very interesting to me. At the same time, I'm not sure if the prose was good enough for this to be worthy of its own book. Stuck to the intro of another book, this might work because it felt like one of those sections in Sarah J Mass books that's just downtime for the obvious tragedy and drama that's coming soon. But we never get the drama that's coming soon. There's honestly a lot of resolution here to say a 700 page behemoth comes next.
The smut was unnecessary but not bad. And it set up the Cassian/Nesta thing very well. Ultimately this was decent and not as bad as people made it seem!
This is also not skippable in the series. **spoiler part* Things you'll miss: new homes!, nesta and cassian relationship, tamlin just in general, feyre's place in velaris community (new character as well) and more.
my main complaint is that there's too much coincidence. too much good happening that wraps this all in a pretty bow. armen should've vanished...that is the logical next step. yet we find a loophole again so we don't have to lose any of our beloved characters. as nice as that is, its not realistic and all the devastation is immediately upended and lost. and this is not to mention just how DRAMATIC death scenes are when, in the next chapter, these people keep surviving and being brought from the dead. if the characters actually died, their death scenes would be gut wrenching. but we lose that feeling when they come back 3 seconds later. And when someone DID finally die (aka their dad), it meant almost nothing to us because we hadn't truly met him. We connected to his death for the simple fact that he was their father. So not only was his death not very emotional, but neither was his motivation for fighting for them. We just didn't see that bravery before and didn't see his journey OUT of cowardice. So his choice to sail and fight was out of character and unearned, in my opinion. Still, bringing him back was a cool choice. Maybe we might get more of his story in another books.
Unlike usual, I don't think this was too long (I genuinely don't think books should be more than 500 pages because WHY!!). I appreciated the prose (I know many people will disagree on this) and I also didn't hate the sex scenes! Maas definitely has a tendency to go a “tasteful” route with them, which I'm not sure if I love or hate. Usually, I think if you're gonna write smut, it needs to be SMUT. Because why else are we reading it if it's not actually hot? Most of all though, I was impressed at how much I truly understood and remembered with past books and characters. I usually have a hard time connecting books together when I read a series (I read the other two LAST SEPT), but the other books were so memorable that I rarely had a hard time. And all the characters were distinguishable. I had a hard time separating Cassian and Azriel in past books and this one just cleared all of that up. They have their own stories, obviously, but they blended together in book 1 and 2 for me. The fight scenes were intense but not unnecessarily gory. Their enemies were worthy opponents, which I loved. And there's tons of things left to resolve in the next books, which make me excited for what comes next. I'm particularly interested to see if the Cauldron will have any reaction to Feyre's pleading that she'd do “anything”...if she unknowingly locked herself into an agreement PERHAPS? Maybe not.
I won this in a giveaway, just as a disclaimer. I'm always honest in book reviews, giveaway or not! I had no idea what to expect from this but I was INCREDIBLY HAPPY just after reading the first poem. This is such a stunning chapbook. It recounts the speaker's experience with abuse and paranoia (caused by that abuse), that leads them to want to get revenge, find themselves, and live in a world where they don't have to constantly look over their shoulder. Insane imagery (in the best way possible) that's accessible and honest and that truly transports you into the moment. I appreciated the variety in form, in theme, even in voice. Some of these poems are unsettling, some of them are joyous, some scared, others angry. My favorite poem is, “Dream in which I Can't Get Away”, where the speaker imagines they're teaching a class and their abuser comes in the classroom and sits in the front row, only to be fucking pummeled. I LOVE poems of revenge, of justice. So this was particularly delightful. I also think people are very scared to talk about what rage actually feels and looks like. Sometimes it's stomping their head in. So I think this was a really brave choice and courageous chapbook in general. Only other thing I could ever want from this chapbook is more. Like...it could've been 10x as long and I would've ate it up.
There are a few lines I underlined that were just really nice!
- My two favorites were: “Thirty minutes left of pretending power”...in a poem where the speaker wields the most power and authority in a classroom (and then stomp their abuser's head in). I'm really into alliteration honestly. I thought this was also just a unique way of thinking about teaching, especially as a teacher's daughter. A lot of the authority we think teachers wield is just in our head, especially in higher education. A lot of teachers are pretending to have some sort of authority as a means of gaining respect. But they can be scared and undermined and overlooked too. Bit of a deviation from the chapbook but was just a thought I had!
“Ignore the wetness gracing your lower back. It's just purging”...as the speaker dances to I Will Survive. Loved the idea that the dancing is literally draining the fear, the paranoia and exhaustion, out of them.
- “Don't tell me to hold space for any hurt that isn't mine” !!!!
Love, love, LOVED this one. Thanks Black Sunflowers Poetry Press for sending it to me! <3
I won this in a contest and I am forever grateful that Black Sunflowers Poetry Press sent this to me! I went to school with one of their authors and really loved their book as well.
With Phantasmal Flowers in The Eden Where Only I know, I wanted more from each of these poems. All of them were very, very short to the point that I couldn't quite tell what the theme of the book was. The blurb says that this is meant to “distill the human experience through flora” but I wasn't always sure what human experience it was distilling. There are definitely some gems in here though, mainly when the speaker is curious and self pitying. For example, in “FlOwEr”, I loved the lines, “why am I blooming / yet no one sees me? / why am I smiling / yet nothing flows into me” (page 8). This poem in particular, and a few others with those interrogations, lead to me to believe that a lot of this is exploring a general feeling of disappointment or displacement. The speaker's life feels unsatisfactory or maybe even open-ended, which comes through metaphors like thirst, wanting to be sheltered from the sun, physically reacting to the changing of the seasons, etc. Flowers are also totally stationary and reactive to their environment, so I assumed this was a symbol as well. Overall, I think this concept is incredibly unique and I really just wanted the poems to be more extended and feel more connected to each other through more imagery or scene. In fact, I think this concept could be an incredible short story. Anyways, the cover is really beautiful and I also really loved the changes in capitalization/punctuation! Poetry is really subjective and I am no expert, so take my opinions with a grain of salt! There's lots to love here.
Favorite book of the year honestly. I told myself that if the whole teacher/student thing wasn't spoken about again before the book was over that I'd be unsatisfied. It gave me just enough and I knew it was a 5 star for me at the end. I felt like we were looking into a million different moments in this person's life. The book's about growing up and finding yourself, despite having a lot of repression and a lack of desire/will. It's less about plot, more just following this MC as she goes from a teenager to her mid-30s. It doesn't sit with any period of her life too long. It felt like a mix of the Never Have I Ever show (for the cultural references and general goofiness/small faults of the MCs) and My Dark Vanessa (without all the detail of abuse). I was just really impressed at all this book encompasses. The ~font~ was giving YA, but even the section when she's a teen felt reflective and literary in a way that's not quite YA? Point is, I think this would be most enjoyed if you're not looking at it strictly for that coming-of-age angle. And if you want coming-of-age, be open to that extending farther into adulthood than usual. Very very good book. I don't even really know how to talk about it.
There is one moment where she talks about ratemyprofessor and I wondered if the author had ever used it, because they don't even let you accuse a teacher of favoritism on that site, let alone comment on a teacher's body. That was one of the only moments that took me out lmao.
DNF at 53%. Desperately wanted to finish this but I have no idea who anyone is and at a certain point stopped caring. Too many characters and I kept going because I thought it'd eventually come to me, but it just sunk me deeper into confusion. I also had a very very hard time grasping what was happening in action scenes. It was simple shit, like describing where we were physically, or how these monsters were speaking/using the bodies of these kids. The camp aspect was fascinating, but even that I found a bit unrealistic? They've been kidnapped and taken to an undisclosed location and they're...doing dishes? Doing oral sex on each other in the middle of the night? Most of the teenagers who come back from those places talk about how they couldn't even speak to other kids or they'd be punished, so I found this hard to believe. I think it works for the plot that they are rebelling and getting away with it, but in real life, I think they'd face intense consequences more often.
I loved this concept and I really was interested in how these kids end up though. Just not for me. Thanks Netgalley and Publisher for letting me read this eARC in exchange for an unbiased review.
Interesting concept but was very repetitive at times. And I wasn't sure what that ending was about. Ultimately, I think this was just a glimpse into a household where everyone is really fucked up and blames each other and they're all quite awful. I think the ending is trying to show us that Samson is not really to blame for his bad acts because he's just production of Sammie's craziness. But I have a hard time with that because Sammie is going through it and seemed to be trying really hard. So I guess I'm supposed to be fine with that conclusion, that trying your best is not enough in parenthood. You can do everything, try to change yourself and beat stereotypes, and still may amount to nothing. My only other thought is that Samson just has some sort of social behavior disorder. How he was going to therapy for so long and that would not be discovered, I'm not sure. This didn't really remind of Arnett's debut (besides the family dynamic/all the fucked up people) that I love so much. I wasn't as impressed with this one but it wasn't bad.
While this is definitely about mother hood and queerness and growing older, the most fascinating aspect of this was the dynamic between the child and MC. I really do think this book is trying to dissect who's to blame. Who's to blame for the outbursts and the anger and disappointment. You might think it's weird to question that about a child but he did some genuinely heinous things. A lot of it involving causing harm to other people and living things. We are bound to ask how we got there. In the end, I think the END book is trying to show us that he had no hand in his own behavior. But the rest of the book feels like it's trying to show us that no one person is to blame. Or that blame doesn't need to be swapped at all? I have no clue truly.
I think this book would EAT as a horror, like “We Need to Talk About Kevin” but, of course, gay. I really think Arnett explores things here that would help separate the two if she'd gone that route.
This was confusing asf because the footnotes made me think this was real for like...15% of this. But I loved it.
I liked the characterization of X. Just the most pretentious motherfucker you've ever met that people still somehow love. For a lot of the book, that was what I thought was her biggest fault. She was just an annoying pretentious artist. But once we learn about some of the psychological and even physical abuse, this book transformed into something different and idk how to explain it. Things that seemed obscure and even quirky about X suddenly became a lot darker. I think we hear a lot about “tortured” artists being actual snobs and horrible people. X was no different, which I'm sure she would berate you for saying. At times, I almost found it funny how much of a facade she was putting up...trying to act artsy and profound when really she just wanted her art appreciated without any scrutiny or criticism like the rest of us. Interesting character though I don't ever think we got to see a moment of her with her guard down. Even in more intimate moments, she was still pretending. Her thoughts on the past you being a different person was different. Though her disguises were an obvious attempt to flee, to run away from criticism and challenge. Again, well-written but very frustrating character. I still do not know her. Honestly though, my only wish was that the narrator would get really fucking angry. I wanted anger. She kept telling me it was there, but I didn't see it.
Catherine Lacey's ability to create an entirely new American history out of thin air was the most impressive aspect of the book to me. I did not except to like the Southern/Western/Northern Territory parts to be as intriguing as it was. (Though I was confused why Southern Territory was “ST” but the other two were always written out. Idk why or how I noticed that but either it's an error or a choice. If it's a choice, I'm not sure why.)
Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. A lot of it went over my head, I'm sure. This was not a perfect 5 star for me, but was pretty close to it!
This was beautifully written and asked a lot of interesting questions, but I really don't know what to get from it (which is chill honesty)! To me this is a book about discovering sexuality is even more fluid than we realize. It does, in my opinion, make an argument that labels are bullshit. But I think the main character's fluidity is not universal and so I found myself wanting to advocate for lesbians!! Because despite labeling herself as a lesbian, Eve fell in love with a man? Maybe I'm late to some party but I think the definition of a lesbian really is that there is not romantic or sexual attraction to men. If she doesn't fit there, that's totally fine and this would have been a cool way of showing that sexuality can change or stretch. But I don't know if that's what this is. Truly, it felt like “the straight man understands my mind and my body in a way that transcends sexuality”, which feels wrong to me (because it felt like it was making a mockery of the label). But I also recognize that may be someone's experience.
I also think this could easily be a narrator that's being manipulated in a way she can't come to terms with or even see. At times, I felt that Eve thought she had control but didn't. I kept thinking of My Dark Vanessa. That narrator is constantly having to convince the reader that what she experienced was fine, that she was not a victim at all. This felt a little bit like that. Eve truly believes this shit and is trying to make us believe it too. I guess what I'm saying is that she's an unreliable narrator who refuses to call a spade a spade. She shows us the facts but refuses to make the right conclusions: she's being taken advantage of, pitted against Olivia for attention, and IS IN FACT pansexual! Or maybe there's a piece of info we're not getting. Or maybe they were made for each other and don't worship sexuality but sex and vanity itself. Not sure! It was a cool concept but it's definitely one that's got me stumped. The ending left me even more stumped because I thought we were going somewhere that would make the whole manipulation angle make sense: “this man manipulated me into a relationship when I really wanted his girlfriend (I am also really concerned about said girlfriend because she's still being manipulated even after I made it out”. But the ending basically ripped that theory to shreds. I think Nathan is a fucked individual who disguises assault and degradation as understanding someone. When really, you've overstepped and were lucky enough that they liked the way it felt. All of this to say, I think the writing of these characters is pretty masterful. My hatred or ambiguity for them was probably the point. But I wasn't sure what argument or philosophy to get from it. It doesn't need to have one, but it was very obviously trying to say something. I just wasn't able to get it.
What I seriously loved about this book was the exploration of jealousy, of guilt, of vanity and wanting our body to be perceived. I picked up the book because I read the first page and felt that it'd been plucked from my fucking brain. I related to Eve in ways I wouldn't like to admit and I also found some of her actions repulsive. If nothing else, this book has raised a lot of questions for me about poly relationships, conventional beauty, how I view and distribute my body and even loyalty. Personally, I think this book could've been twice as long. There are so many loose ends, things we never return to. But I also think that open-ended-ness is natural and works for stories that follow someone's life. Not every aspect of our lives ends when we change things up, so info about her father, roommate, ex-gf, etc, would indulge me, but is maybe not necessary. I probably like this book more than I realize because I saw Goodreads reviews before reading and that tainted the experience a bit (it becomes 10x easier to spot things to dislike when people point them out for you). But I still really liked it. And I'm not even a smut person (is this smut? is it artsy smut? a secret third thing?).
This is like if you recorded yourself going through a mental health crisis (where your thoughts turn into conspiracies and everything is evil and disgusting and you're convinced you'll never be happy again) and you watch it back once you've been medicated or taken a long nap. You notice valid points in arguments and evils you've conjured up, but you've also come back to earth by now and realized you sound a bit crazy and don't have control over any of these things and maybe even blew everything out of proportion.
At times, I found Millie extremely unlikeable and whiny because of this. Her predicament is a somewhat lucky one. I mean, she had a temp job that she might've been able to keep had she shredded a small stack of papers. But I also realized that I've had her same anger and jealousy so I can't hate her too much. Her job was unfulfilling and she was obviously depressed. Having your parents to fall back on you can't erase that, thought it was an unrealistic aspect of her career. You get to keep your apartment for weeks with no job, great! Her friend pointed this out, which was cool. But her friend was just as awful and bitter so I hated her as well.
Ultimately what I took from this is that it never really gets better. You just find a job that you can survive on and keep it. The young people who come after you will always think less of your position and personality and are convinced they can do better. They cannot. It's a bit bleak. But it's something you can resonate with or see yourself in. I had a hard time getting into moments where Millie gets to thinking about life on an almost philosophical level (just quick thoughts, nothing too serious. this is not a book about philosophy). Just moments where her struggles make her think about free will, what it means to be an individual, etc. Just felt a bit cheesy? Millie is obviously struggling but like, let's go on LinkedIn or Indeed girl! It felt like a cop out to blame the universe or a lack of free will.
I'll always make this disclaimer for books where I hated everyone: maybe that's the point. If the author was going for unlikeable characters who have no joy and the tension/conflict is mostly in their head, then they did an excellent job! If nothing else, these are characters who are awful or mean to each other (and themselves). They're complex and angry, which people don't write all the time. But it still wasn't my favorite and I found myself skimming entire paragraphs at a time (and still being able to keep up with the plot somehow). It is a quick read so it wasn't too much of a loss of time. This is definitely not for everyone.
I think this was a really beautiful story with a feminist and anti-colonialist/anti-capitalist angle that was explored in such a unique way. Beautiful writing, beautiful imagery, and beautiful displays of greed and sisterhood.
However, one of the downsides of multiple POVs is that we all have favorites. I was never emotionally invested in Grant's story. And I also disliked his character, but maybe that was the point? Idk I just despise it when privileged people want to escape to another world to avoid acknowledging they have that privilege, only to realize everywhere else is a dump and they wanna go home to their daddy (but don't, just to prove him wrong). And once we (finally) got his backstory with Jane, I came to my own conclusion that he's just a shit guy who refuses to take responsibility for his own ego. He's always being rescued and knows there will always be someone to save him. My problem with this is i'm not sure if that characterization was on purpose. Are we supposed to be rooting for him? Are we meant to be blame his parents solely for Jane's death instead of him? Ya know, the one who refused to go to a secondary location before a bad storm against his girlfriends wishes, only to have his father save him during the thick of it and leave his girlfriend to die? I hope, if there is a sequel (this book surely deserves one), that Grant's ego and privilege is explored in a more realistic way that doesn't sugarcoat his ills.
The Blooms were so cool and I loved what we learn about their connection to White Alice at the end. I honestly didn't expect it. White Alice was definitely interesting, but was too fast paced and skipped so much time. I also struggled to keep timelines with them. I originally thought the book was too populated with them and they were not distinguished well enough from the Blooms. As the book continued, I had an easier time separating them. But in the beginning, there were moments where I genuinely forgot I was reading about one group when it was really the other. I think this is because there were just too many characters. I couldn't keep up. It's incredibly frustrating to be 40% the way in and still not be able to get anyone's names. And that's not to say you can't have a bunch of characters, you just have to make them memorable. For example, Willow was easy for me because her temperament and look was described as wildly different than the others. She was recognizable, not just a name on the page attached to dialogue.
I think the feminist angle was sometimes a bit plainly put, if that makes sense. It was trying to encapsulate the pains of women by very broadly accusing men of everything. Idk how to explain it (and this is coming from someone who, for a long while, basically considered themselves a misandrist). It just felt like the anger was not misDIRECTED, but oversimplified. I think that anger is valid and the environment they're in probably forced them to simplify it, but there are tons of women who engaged in the manipulation and murder going on in this book that were never spoken about. I just think the discussion of men is surface level and runs into territory of just being man-hating? I'm not totally opposed to it, you just run the risk of people not taking you seriously when it's simplified into “all men are murderers and rapists and we will never find peace because of them”. Now, this is honestly how I feel all the time!!!!! but there's a more nuanced explanation for it that could've been explored.
Ultimately though, I just got bored in the middle and that made pacing and certain details feel more annoying than they are! Great writing and the premise is super cool but I felt myself waiting for the ball to drop, for something exciting to happen. And it kind of did at the end with the plot twist. But it was so far in that I almost didn't care or notice it. The back and forth POVs just dissipated any momentum the story was working up. This soured the experience a bit but I still think this was awesome and courageous. I imagine it's incredibly difficult to weave these three groups together and it works out great. I hope Sterling is in the process of writing a sequel because she's set it up perfectly for one!!
How this MC is not in PRISON or a mental hospital, I will never know. Really resonated with June's anger/jealousy at first and then realized maybe this bitch is just crazy...Apart from that, all I'll say is Candice's role in this was very predictable to me!!!! Which was kind of a let down because I was FUCKING with the ghost stuff!!!!!!